It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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