its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
