So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
