Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
