i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
