do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
