the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
