It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
