If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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