Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
