bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
