Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
