So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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