She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
