i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
