I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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