She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
