i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
