oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't deserve a penis
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
