My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
