when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
