Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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