My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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