How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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