i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
