I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
