It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's blow job season.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
