He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
