We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
