Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
PANTIES FOUND
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
