I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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