Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
