Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
