I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so let's talk penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
