I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
