we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize