my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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