Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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