Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
NoShamevember. You game?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
