$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
