Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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