Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize