Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
