He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
