We're facebook friends in real life
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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