Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
