none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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