I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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