i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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