that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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