can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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