$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
