i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
