im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
