it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
