Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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