Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
