Duck Duck Cougar?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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