we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize