first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
