I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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