Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
