so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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