Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize