i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
