he told me I talked like a deaf person
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
