FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
