i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
