there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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