is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
