He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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