If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
