I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As shirtless as possible
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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